Disappointment

I feel let down, Joe.

When I conceived you I was assigned a midwife to book me in. She's the specialist bereavement midwife apparently. She rearranged my appointment a few times, then when I did see her I wished I hadn't partly because she had an awful personal hygiene problem, but more importantly she didn't listen properly to me, didn't take full notes at the appointment, and when I questioned her said she would write them up later and failed to do so properly.

She was charged with sorting my referral to EPAU for early reassurance scans, and sorting my booking with my consultant. Of course what actually happened is she made a couple of appointments that she never told me about and I therefore didn't turn up for, thereby getting me taken off the consultant's books entirely and meaning I had to do all of the stressful legwork trying to co-ordinate GP, EPAU and consultant in time to get my Cyclogest pessaries (which I had to start a week later than I had been advised previously). I made sure I didn't have to see her again, as my confidence was shot.

Roll forward to having you. We were told we would be contacted by the bereavement counsellor, and local HV teams. The bereavement midwife (guess who?) saw me the day after we had you to go through some bits but we just wanted her gone to be honest, and we'd already had the info by then.

So, almost 6 weeks on, we have heard from the bereavement counsellor... never. Nothing. I'm not chasing it up, I have my own counsellor sorted, but this is shameful service for those who really need it.
The HVs have called me today and we had the following conversation:
HV "Hello, is that Marie?"
M "Speaking"
HV "It's X from the HV team. We've just had notification of your sad loss."
M "Okay..." (i.e. why now? And what do you want me to say, it's my sad loss and you haven't offered condolences or anything)
HV "Oh" (sounds taken aback that I haven't said anything more)
Pause whilst she thinks of something to say.
HV "Well we wanted to let you know if you need to speak to anyone, you can contact us"
M "Thank you but it has been almost 6 weeks now"
HV "We only just got notification" (rubbish, I actually had a voicemail left by a HV a few weeks ago, but she helpfully forgot to leave a number or her name)
HV "Well anyway, just contact us if you need to"
I ask who should I ask for if I call. HV gives me a name and then says
HV "I would give you my name but I leave the team tomorrow"

So basically I get a call from someone I don't know, offering support I don't need, too late, sounding slightly annoyed with me because I didn't break down and cry on the phone, and even if I did she wouldn't be the person I would get support from anyway because she's leaving? What on earth was that about?

Plus, because the hospital messed up the cremation details form we can't just go and pick up your ashes, because the crem has the hospital bereavement office listed as the recipients, so we have to wait 10 days for the hospital to write to us to tell us the ashes can be collected, even though we already know this. I've had to get Daddy to seek assurances from the hospital that your ashes won't be disposed of in any way without our okay, but I just don't trust them.

Oh, and do you know who is supposed to book me in next time I fall pregnant...?

Joe, it's hard enough. x