You remember I mentioned a list of tasks Joe, which we would draw up to achieve our goals in your name? I have already thought of a few, and we’re starting to make them happen.
To start with, I’ve taken the year off work that I was planning to spend with you. I know I am going to need the time to start to recover from the sadness I am feeling at losing you my darling little boy.
I’m going to spend some a day a week with Sofie, doing all the things we can do in that time, and sharing cuddles and stories. I hope you look down on us and share these times with us my baby.
I have enrolled on a photography course. You never got to feel the exasperation of mummy pointing lights and boxes at you and making noises to see your face light up and smile. You are a beautiful boy and I treasure the pictures I was able to take of you, as I won’t be able to take any more. I hope that this course will help my mind to heal.
I also hope that at the end of the year I may have enough good pictures that I can donate them to our local Early Pregnancy Assessment Unit waiting room, which is so cold and dull. I’ve been supported many times by the EPAU, and it’s there that we first saw you, little Bean, our little sunshine boy, so I want to repay them for the joy of that moment.
You were a joy darling Joe. I’m sorry that I complained at times about how I felt carrying you, or how hot and tired I was. I hope instead of those grumbles you heard the stories I read and the songs that I sang, full of joy with loving you and our future together.
You are my boy. You will always be my boy.
We have a date to say goodbye now. It’s all so quick, and I don’t feel ready, but at the same time I want to do this for you. Daddy and I will be there darling. We are always there, really.
Sleep well angel,
Mummy x
No comments:
Post a Comment