Joe,
Today was your funeral, and such a strange day for us.
We dressed and drove to the crematorium. South Chapel, just as with Jamie, and it was like being transported back a year to her funeral.
Your coffin was so beautiful, and small, and painful and wrong and absolutely right.
The shiny silver nameplate, Baby Joe Donn, was perfect acknowledgement of you having been here once. Sometimes it feels as though the time has passed in an awful dream, or that we have imagined this pain and I wanted to wrench it off the wooden lid and hold it tight.
Daddy carried you in and laid you down. We laid flowers on top and I hope you liked them. I hope your teddy, monkey and our photo kept you company in there.
Tim read the service, the same as for Jamie, and we entreated God to keep you safe and well above. I have never allowed myself the luxury of religious pomposity when it has come to finding some way to protect my children. It comforts us to know that there is someone or something bigger on your side, when we cannot help you.
I hope you understand why it was just we two, mummy and daddy, at the service. Nanny and Grandad Spain sent thoughts, prayers and flowers, and you were in the whole family's thoughts. Mummy and Daddy just needed some time to say a goodbye to you, and be sad, and to cry together. Please know that your place in people's hearts is a forever place, forever yours, no matter who said the goodbye that day.
I searched for you afterwards. I looked for you in the sky, and we saw you in the clouds and bolts of blue above, and felt comforted. I know you cannot always be there darling, but when you are I feel so glad, so please come again.
This was a goodbye today my boy, not the goodbye. I don't think that will ever come, as you will always be with me somewhere, in the sky or in my heart, my beautiful baby boy xxx
Today was your funeral, and such a strange day for us.
We dressed and drove to the crematorium. South Chapel, just as with Jamie, and it was like being transported back a year to her funeral.
Your coffin was so beautiful, and small, and painful and wrong and absolutely right.
The shiny silver nameplate, Baby Joe Donn, was perfect acknowledgement of you having been here once. Sometimes it feels as though the time has passed in an awful dream, or that we have imagined this pain and I wanted to wrench it off the wooden lid and hold it tight.
Daddy carried you in and laid you down. We laid flowers on top and I hope you liked them. I hope your teddy, monkey and our photo kept you company in there.
Tim read the service, the same as for Jamie, and we entreated God to keep you safe and well above. I have never allowed myself the luxury of religious pomposity when it has come to finding some way to protect my children. It comforts us to know that there is someone or something bigger on your side, when we cannot help you.
I hope you understand why it was just we two, mummy and daddy, at the service. Nanny and Grandad Spain sent thoughts, prayers and flowers, and you were in the whole family's thoughts. Mummy and Daddy just needed some time to say a goodbye to you, and be sad, and to cry together. Please know that your place in people's hearts is a forever place, forever yours, no matter who said the goodbye that day.
I searched for you afterwards. I looked for you in the sky, and we saw you in the clouds and bolts of blue above, and felt comforted. I know you cannot always be there darling, but when you are I feel so glad, so please come again.
This was a goodbye today my boy, not the goodbye. I don't think that will ever come, as you will always be with me somewhere, in the sky or in my heart, my beautiful baby boy xxx
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